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Putting the CL on that ASS!

A Bernie's Daughter Thing

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Trigger Points

I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to be a brand ambassador for Nikki Woods Media. I’m thrilled for the opportunity. I struggled with applying. I told myself that I wasn’t going to apply. However, I have a great bestie who would not allow me to sit idly by. So, I applied. It took me 3 days to complete the application, but dammit I did it. Receiving the congratulatory email that I received days later sent me on a high. I was thrilled. I have felt that this is an amazing opportunity that will only lead to more opportunities for me.

However, having said that, I must be honest and admit that this opportunity has triggered some things in me. Foremost of my trigger points is my confidence–or lack thereof. When I say that I struggle with confidence, many people don’t believe me because I seem to possess the superpower of appearing much more confident than I actually am. But this opportunity has triggered my confidence point. I have been fearful every day with it. And to be honest, I’ve actually struggled with the feeling that I’m failing in some way. In my monkey mind’s eye, I can see Nikki Woods and her team looking over me with the disapproving eyes and careless cackles of a mean girls set. Now of course, my true mental mind knows this isn’t true. My true mental mind knows that they would not have chosen me if they hadn’t seen something in me. But isn’t it funny how they can see what I can’t see in myself?

The other thing this opportunity has triggered for me is my tendency to compare myself to others. Let me tell you something. Nikki Woods chose some amazing women to serve as brand ambassadors. Amazing, I tell you! They are smart, beautiful, talented, and funny. And I have compared myself to every single one of them in some way. I was overwhelmed with their amazing-ness (Yep, I just said that) during our first meeting. I listened intently to each woman as she introduced herself. I grew increasingly anxious with each one because I felt they were all so much more than I. I felt they were doing so much more than I. I mean they had job titles and everything! And here I was, simply saying I’m Bernie Mac’s daughter. My bestie laughed at me when I said this to her and told me, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can give yourself a title too.” Don’t you just love best friends?

But she was right. I could give myself a title. I could say I’m Je’Niece the Storyteller, or Je’Niece the Healing Architect, or whatever title I want to give myself. But there’s also the title of me: Je’Niece. And that title is good enough. Actually, I am good enough. That one sentence right there says so much. Woo, felt so good I need to say it again. I am good enough! There was no reason for me to feel small. I was the only person who was making me feel small. Everyone else has been welcoming, encouraging, and supportive. I am the only one who has been failing to support myself. I’m the only one who has failed to see how I’ve shown up giving my best every day. But that’s the beautiful thing about triggers. They show up–and sometimes when you least expect it–to show you what areas need your loving attention. So I needn’t get down on myself–which was my first response upon realization of my triggers. I just need to acknowledge them and give myself attention where it’s due.

I also don’t need to judge the fear. The fear is the sign that this means something to me. And believe me when I say it does. But in that, I need to detach from the outcome. I don’t need to put all of my energy focusing on the potential outcome of this. Maybe Nikki and team love me and decide to continue to work with me and refer other people my way, or vice versa. Maybe they don’t. Maybe they like me, but decide I’m not their cup of tea. And you know what? Either scenario is ok. I will be ok either way. Now, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t love the outcome to be the former one, but I am saying that I will not allow myself to swirl my mind into a frenzied state that renders me incapable of enjoying the journey. It’s only been two weeks and I have grown already. I’ve been doing virtual streaming through Periscope everyday. Every day, y’all! I found Periscope to be so intimidating and so outside of my comfort zone. Yet, I’m doing a scope every day. I’m truly owning my story. I am Bernie Mac’s daughter, and that is ok. I’ve said it before, yet there was still some part of me that struggled with that. I never want people to think that I’m resting on that part of who I am. I never want people to think that I want pity or attention because of it. But that’s the part of me who has been allowing the voices of others to rule instead of my own voice. My own voice is telling me to just be who I am because who I am is beautiful and worthy and those who get me will be drawn to me. From those people, the opportunities I seek will arise. Those who don’t get me will get out the way, which will just make more room for the ones who are drawn to me.

And just think this has only been triggered with two weeks worth of working with Team Nikki Woods! I’m onto something beautiful here, and I’m so thankful for it.

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The Spotlight Conference

Happy Saturday! I’m writing today to offer a wonderful invitation. As I’ve announced last week, I’m a brand ambassador for Nikki Woods Media (Team Nikki Woods go!) This has been a wonderful opportunity that has been stretching me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. As such, I wanted to offer an invitation for you to do the same. Nikki Woods is hosting a conference, The Spotlight Conference on March 19, 2016. This is definitely the conference you want to attend. You want to attend if

You have a brand and don’t know what to do with it
You are a published author looking to establish yourself in the marketplace
You want to gain more social visibility for your brand and message
You want to know how to get booked for local/national media

Nikki Woods is a master at these things and at the Spotlight Conference, you will learn the tools you need to take your brand, book, or message to the next level. To learn more, visit http://www.TheSpotlightConference.com. For tickets, go to bit.ly/Spotlight2016_BerniesDaughter.

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Better Late Than Not At All

There is a tremendous amount of pressure that exists to “have it all together.” A huge part of having it all together lies in having a career. And if that pressure wasn’t enough, just wait cause there’s more!  Yes, there’s even more pressure to have all your stuff together by the time you reach adulthood–which  depending on whom you ask, can be anywhere between 18-30. The 20s can be an incredibly stressful time because many spend this time trying to have it all together while simultaneously figuring themselves out. There is a pervasive belief that one should definitely have it all together by the time one is 30. So it can be incredibly disheartening to find oneself at 30 (or beyond), still hoping to “arrive” at this place. I understand it all too well. I’m 37 and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And for a long while, I placed a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to have it figured out. I expected that I should have this glowing career by now. And for a time, I felt inferior to others because I didn’t.  Well, I now know that one of my first missteps was operating under the should mandate. You know that mandate. That’s the one that dictates how you are to conduct yourself as an elite member of the Worldwide Federation of Adulthood.

Unfortunately, we don’t realize that we’re setting ourselves up for extreme disappointment by hanging on to this mandate. By believing and abiding by the shoulds, we make it easy to become disappointed, depressed, and down right despondent with life. I know, because I’ve been there. I was depressed for years, due in part to the fact that I hadn’t arrived yet. I finally forgave myself and allowed myself to recognize that there is no place to arrive. As a wonderful woman I know said, “I am in a race with no one but myself.” And while that doesn’t mean I have all the time in the world this physical life has to offer, it does mean that I do have some time to figure things out and make them happen. Circumstances are so temporary, and where I am today is not necessarily indicative of where I can be a year or so from now.

It got me to thinking. Since we are all more alike than we allow ourselves to recognize, I figured I couldn’t be the only person in the world to gain success or walk into my passion later in my life. And you know what? I’m not. So here’s a list of fellow late bloomers.  These are some people who are considered extremely successful in their line of work, and they all have a very common trait.  None of them actualized this so-called success until later in their life.

Julia Child didn’t learn to cook until she was in her 40s and she didn’t star in her famous cooking TV show until she was in her 50s.

Alan Rickman (film star probably best known for his role as Snape in the Harry Potter movies) didn’t get his first film role until he was 46.

Stan Lee wrote his first comic, The Fantastic Four, right before he turned 39. He didn’t start writing his most well known comic books until he was 43.

Toni Morrison published her first novel (The Bluest Eye) at age 40 (and she was a mother who was single).

Morgan Freeman got his break out role (Glory) when he was 52.

Laura Ingalls Wilder was 65 when “Little House on The Big Prairie,” the first installment of her highly popular children’s books was published. The last book of the series hit shelves when she was 76.

Rodney Dangerfield’s big break didn’t come until he was 46, when he was booked as a last minute replacement for an act that cancelled on The Ed Sullivan Show.

Vera Wang didn’t start designing clothes until she was 40, after she had “failed” at a figure skating career, and even as an editor at Vogue magazine.

J.K. Rowling was 32 when Harry Potter was published. And this was after she was rejected by 12 different publishers.

Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get an award-winning role (Jungle Fever) until he was 43.

While Steve Jobs formed a successful company in his twenties, he was booted from it. He didn’t find success again until he was in his mid thirties.

Actress Jane Lynch didn’t receive a noticeable role (Best in Show) until she was 43.

Harrison Ford was a carpenter who was hired to make cabinets for George Lucas before he was cast in the lead in Star Wars. He was 33.

Gene Hackman starred in his breakout role (Buck Barrow in “Bonnie and Clyde”) when he was 37.

Lucille Ball wasn’t popular until she created the “I Love Lucy” show at the age of 40.

Estelle Getty didn’t become a household name until she was 62, after starring as Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls.

Kathy Bates was 42 when she starred in Misery and garnered mass attention for her acting skills.

While she’d been acting on Broadway for years, Phylicia Rashad didn’t gain notoriety as an actress until she was cast as Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show at the age of 35.

Larry David was 41 when he collaborated with Jerry Seinfeld to craft one of the most iconic TV shows  (Seinfeld) in television history.

Phyllis Diller was 37 when she started her stand up career.

Duncan Hines was 55 when he wrote his first food and hotel guide. He licensed the right to use his name to the company that developed Duncan Hines cake mixes when he was 73.

My Daddy.  Oh how could I not add my Dad to this list?  My dad was 33 when he appeared on Def Comedy Jam for the first time.  He was 34 when he appeared the second time to perform his now famous “I ain’t scared of you!” routine. He didn’t begin his acting career until a year later at 35. And he was 42 when The Bernie Mac show made its television debut.

So if you’re reading this and you were feeling a bit down about your place in life, fret not. You are not alone. And you should count yourself fortunate.  You have some pretty good company with you.  I hope this helps you to remember that all is certainly not lost, as you are probably exactly where you need to be. Your place today is simply a stepping stone for you to create the life of your dreams.  And know that you absolutely CAN go on to create the life of your dreams. So here’s to us: The late bloomers. Better late than never, my friends. Cheers!

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