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Putting the CL on that ASS!

A Bernie's Daughter Thing

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wisdom

Power in Empowerment

Happy Friday! It’s almost Spring and I’m happy about that. It’s a time for rebirth and I have to be honest and say I am excited about the process of rebirth taking place in my life. Life is all about cycles. We’re in a constant cycle of birth, death, rebirth. It took me a while to get comfortable with that. And now that I’m at that place of comfortability, I embrace each stage. I’ve learned that I had to get to the space of standing in my own power in order to embrace each cycle. I have been a very passive person in my life. I was just idly riding along the train of Life. And then would have the nerve to get peeved when I didn’t like the destination. I had some nerve, didn’t I? But I’ve learned what it means to be empowered. It means getting clear on what I want and making the choices that will aid me to getting what I want. Even more, it means accepting the consequences of my choices. It’s not about raging against a machine, or trying to prove a point to anyone else. That’s not empowered living. Well, at least not to me. See, at another point in my life, I wouldn’t have been empowered by sharing this video because I would have been too busy posting it in the hope that you would agree with me, like me or affirm me. It’s different today. While I would appreciate if you affirmed me or agreed with me, and I would be grateful if you liked me, I don’t need you to. I’m ok just as I am. I’m ok if you watch today’s video and feel like it just didn’t vibe with you and you left this space thinking I missed the mark today. That’s empowerment, baby; and I like it! I like it a lot!

Trigger Points

I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to be a brand ambassador for Nikki Woods Media. I’m thrilled for the opportunity. I struggled with applying. I told myself that I wasn’t going to apply. However, I have a great bestie who would not allow me to sit idly by. So, I applied. It took me 3 days to complete the application, but dammit I did it. Receiving the congratulatory email that I received days later sent me on a high. I was thrilled. I have felt that this is an amazing opportunity that will only lead to more opportunities for me.

However, having said that, I must be honest and admit that this opportunity has triggered some things in me. Foremost of my trigger points is my confidence–or lack thereof. When I say that I struggle with confidence, many people don’t believe me because I seem to possess the superpower of appearing much more confident than I actually am. But this opportunity has triggered my confidence point. I have been fearful every day with it. And to be honest, I’ve actually struggled with the feeling that I’m failing in some way. In my monkey mind’s eye, I can see Nikki Woods and her team looking over me with the disapproving eyes and careless cackles of a mean girls set. Now of course, my true mental mind knows this isn’t true. My true mental mind knows that they would not have chosen me if they hadn’t seen something in me. But isn’t it funny how they can see what I can’t see in myself?

The other thing this opportunity has triggered for me is my tendency to compare myself to others. Let me tell you something. Nikki Woods chose some amazing women to serve as brand ambassadors. Amazing, I tell you! They are smart, beautiful, talented, and funny. And I have compared myself to every single one of them in some way. I was overwhelmed with their amazing-ness (Yep, I just said that) during our first meeting. I listened intently to each woman as she introduced herself. I grew increasingly anxious with each one because I felt they were all so much more than I. I felt they were doing so much more than I. I mean they had job titles and everything! And here I was, simply saying I’m Bernie Mac’s daughter. My bestie laughed at me when I said this to her and told me, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can give yourself a title too.” Don’t you just love best friends?

But she was right. I could give myself a title. I could say I’m Je’Niece the Storyteller, or Je’Niece the Healing Architect, or whatever title I want to give myself. But there’s also the title of me: Je’Niece. And that title is good enough. Actually, I am good enough. That one sentence right there says so much. Woo, felt so good I need to say it again. I am good enough! There was no reason for me to feel small. I was the only person who was making me feel small. Everyone else has been welcoming, encouraging, and supportive. I am the only one who has been failing to support myself. I’m the only one who has failed to see how I’ve shown up giving my best every day. But that’s the beautiful thing about triggers. They show up–and sometimes when you least expect it–to show you what areas need your loving attention. So I needn’t get down on myself–which was my first response upon realization of my triggers. I just need to acknowledge them and give myself attention where it’s due.

I also don’t need to judge the fear. The fear is the sign that this means something to me. And believe me when I say it does. But in that, I need to detach from the outcome. I don’t need to put all of my energy focusing on the potential outcome of this. Maybe Nikki and team love me and decide to continue to work with me and refer other people my way, or vice versa. Maybe they don’t. Maybe they like me, but decide I’m not their cup of tea. And you know what? Either scenario is ok. I will be ok either way. Now, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t love the outcome to be the former one, but I am saying that I will not allow myself to swirl my mind into a frenzied state that renders me incapable of enjoying the journey. It’s only been two weeks and I have grown already. I’ve been doing virtual streaming through Periscope everyday. Every day, y’all! I found Periscope to be so intimidating and so outside of my comfort zone. Yet, I’m doing a scope every day. I’m truly owning my story. I am Bernie Mac’s daughter, and that is ok. I’ve said it before, yet there was still some part of me that struggled with that. I never want people to think that I’m resting on that part of who I am. I never want people to think that I want pity or attention because of it. But that’s the part of me who has been allowing the voices of others to rule instead of my own voice. My own voice is telling me to just be who I am because who I am is beautiful and worthy and those who get me will be drawn to me. From those people, the opportunities I seek will arise. Those who don’t get me will get out the way, which will just make more room for the ones who are drawn to me.

And just think this has only been triggered with two weeks worth of working with Team Nikki Woods! I’m onto something beautiful here, and I’m so thankful for it.

The People You Meet

I know some pretty amazing people. I know the kind of people that I just love to sit down with and listen to their musings on love, life, and everything in between. They offer such wisdom. One such person is my great friend, Marc. Marc is a really cool and funny guy. He also happens to be wise. He’s that friend who gets on me for being single. He loves to tell me, “You know how it pisses me off to see you as great as you are, yet you’re single. And then I see all these crap women out with good guys? Put yourself out there woman!” I laugh. And I laugh because I’ve always found it amusing that he’s more bothered by my single status than I am.

The truth of it is though, I like being single. And I’m the type of person who likes to have myself together before I decide to partner with somebody. And right now, I’m just not as together as I’d like to be. Hence, why I’m pulling an Al B. Sure! and getting off on my own, Girl, Girl, Girl!

But this isn’t about romantic love. Nope. It’s  about love, but not about love coupling with another for the purpose of romantic partnership. It’s about the everyday love we have for ourselves and our families.  In the time since my dad has passed, I have experienced tremendous heartbreak. Not simply because my dad died, but because other relationships died as well. Relationships that I held as sacred passed away almost immediately after my dad passed. And it seemed to become more of a reveal of the truth than anything else. People I loved with everything that I have betrayed me in horrendous ways. One such person was the last person I would have ever thought would hurt me. It pained me to realize that the betrayal by that person wasn’t a fluke, but more something she’d been itching to do probably my entire life. That meant the entire 30 years of our relationship were a lie. Every kiss, every embrace, every uttered “I love you,” has been just a ploy to keep me from realizing the truth. This person doesn’t like me very much, much less love me. So yeah, I’ve been heart broken for quite a while. The heartbreak has actually damaged me more than I realized. I did what I tend to do best when I go into defense mode. I retreated. And I retreated in an unconscious way. I really thought I was still putting myself out there. But I wasn’t. I was keeping myself at arms length from people because I didn’t think I could bear the pain of that type of heartbreak again. It was too much. It hurt too doggone bad and to be honest, I feel like I’ve had enough of pain for a while. I’m on a Sabbatical from pain and heartache. The problem when you take a Self Sabbatical from pain and heartbreak is that you close yourself off. Yeah, you eliminate your chances of being hurt, but you also eliminate your chances for experiencing joy.

Enter my friend, Marc. We were simply talking one day about a month ago, and he looked at me and said, as only he can say,

“Woman, what are you doing? Do you know what a gift you are to people? Do you know that you are robbing people when you decide to keep to yourself?” After I gave a half-hearted nod, he continued on. “Je’Niece, look here’s the simple truth. You’re going to meet a lot of people in your life. Cause you still have a lot of life left. And I promise you that some of those people are going to be assholes and hurt you. But they’re just a minority. You’re also going to meet some wonderful people who will see you and celebrate you, and love you for being who you are. You can’t live in fear of being hurt because the truth is you will be hurt. You will absolutely get hurt. You already have been. And you survived. So you know that you will survive another but you’ll also be loved and enjoyed. So stop worrying and paying attention to the few and put yourself out there. The world is waiting for you.”

Well damn! What could I say to that? Nothing. I could say absolutely nothing. And I didn’t say anything. I simply nodded my head in agreement. Ok, I think I shed a few tears too. Fun fact about me: I’m a thinker. When confronted with a loving truth, I will ponder it for a while. And this incident was no different. I thought about what Marc said (you see I said this was about a month ago).  And I thought some more about it, and I’ve concluded that he was–no is–correct.

The truth is, I have been hurt before and survived. And while the heartbreak is a most unpleasant feeling, it’s no excuse for allowing fear to rule my life. At this point, the pain is no longer there. Yes, I have the memories of it. But the pain doesn’t exist anymore. When I see the person who broke my heart, the one thing I’m quite clear on is that I love this person. While I hate the way this person has (and actually still continues to) treated me, I recognize that it’s because of her own issues and it has nothing to do with me. I wish she knew what I knew. Perhaps then we could have the relationship I thought we’d always had—or an even better one. But we don’t, and we can’t. And while it’s not my desired outcome, I know it’s ok. Marc is right. I’m going to meet new people, some of whom will hurt me. But others will not. And I now know enough to know that I can forge new relationships with those people who will not hurt, but instead will love me and accept me. And that’s exciting.

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